On letting go

As is to be expected, I’m going to just come out and say it:
There’s something there for you in every instance you say you aren’t enough.
Yep.
You get something from every judgement and story you have about yourself where you say you’re missing something.
If you’re not smart enough, you don’t have to share your knowledge. People don’t have to depend on you to show the way or be confident enough to share your input.
You get to side line it and relax.

Nope.
That’s not who you are.

If you’re not creative enough you get to be boring. You don’t have to show up and make rainbows on an otherwise drab canvas.
Somebody else will do it.

Nope.
That’s not who you are.

If you’re not attractive enough you don’t have to be noticed. You get to hide and make excuses about why things just don’t work out for you.

Things don’t work out because you refuse to let go.

You refuse to see that there is absolutely nothing about you that isn’t enough.

Enough is made up.

The only scale you’re measuring from is the one you’ve created for yourself. Sure, you base it on what people outside of you are saying. You base it on others’ scales, others’ opinions, others’ ideas that they made up too, to make up for where they aren’t enough.

Sounds like a pretty good space to create a dogma of what is supposed to be, doesn’t it?

No, it doesn’t.

When you let go of those judgments you have to face the fear of what you don’t see. You have to face who you ARE. You have to face the flood of requests, desires and expectations that come your way because you do nothing but show up and shine.

And you know what?

That’s just plain silly.
Because those requests, desires and expectations that show up can be declined. You don’t have to do a thing outside of you that isn’t true to the truest sense of yourself.
You don’t even have to bat an eye.

When you’re solid in your shoes and owning who you ARE, those requests, desires and expectations that brighten your light are absolutely EASY to rise to and fulfill. It’s all in a day’s work and a days work is kids stuff when you’re on your game and playing on the field.

So, I beg of you, ask yourself, is it really worth your time to spend a moment in a conversation of where you aren’t enough?

Let it go. Who you are saying you are isn’t YOU.

And, I promise, you’ll blow this version of you’s mind when you step up to what you’ll become.

❤️, me

On superpowers

Human beings are interwoven and interconnected at a cellular level. We are bonded in every experience and every moment. That connection is unbreakable and absolute. When things happen to others, they are happening to us. We can’t get away from how intertwined we are.
I’ve always known this and, I’m aware that I have a very special gift. In knowing and accepting that I am each and every other and each and every other is me, I’m hyper present to each person I encounter’s experience of life. From that presence I share all that is felt.

Today, I’m sharing my experience in this world as an highly sensitive empath.

An Empath is another term for clairsentient. An estimated 2-4% of the population is clairsentient and about 15-20% of those 2-4% are categorized a Highly Sensitive Person. Being clairsentient means that you are able to relate to how other people are feeling. Being a highly sensitive empath means you actually, physically and emotionally FEEL how others feel.

It is the human tendency, unless we do the work to shift perspective, to internally resonate at the frequency of our struggles, our hardship, and our pain, regret, disconnect and sadness. We internalize these negative feelings for fear of being rejected, abandoned or misunderstood. We believe that our connection to eachother can be broken and, if we express the negative, we will be alone.

I used to think I had a curse.

I’d find myself avoiding intimacy and putting up a powerful, impenetrable shield between myself and everyone I came in contact with. Not because I didn’t want to be with people, quite the opposite, in fact.

At an intuitive level I understood that it was necessary that I allow the connection I experience.
Without understanding my sensitivities, however, I hid to avoid how powerfully I felt human suffering.
At that time, I believed my experience of the world and people was torture. Everywhere I went, I felt everyone’s suffering. I felt the bruises of a beaten wife. I felt the insecurities of a man who fought off his sensitive nature. I felt the worry of a child working to understand school work and please her parents with good grades. I felt the depression of a person jobless and in deep debt. I felt the agony of a parent who’s child was a addict. I felt the loss of a woman who lost her husband.
And not just one at a time.
I felt all of it together, all day, all of the time.
I was so scared to feel that much suffering that I completely shut down.

It is clear that everything I have done in my life to this point has brought me to the place I am now. I was a professional performer, putting on a show in front of large audiences for years. In every one of those performances, I got the opportunity to give an audience pleasure. In every one of those moments they got to suspend their pain and enjoy themselves.
In every one of those moments, I got a break. I got to take deep breathes, release my shield and experience their happiness.

I chose to move to New York City in the summer of 2006.
I didn’t know it then, but that was when I chose to be who I truly am.
A person as sensitive as I am on mass transit is absolute insanity if this gift isn’t channeled.
Over the course of the next few years I became increasingly depressed. I cried myself to sleep every night. I had several episodes of blackout on the subway and I developed a very severe eating disorder.
I was unable to shield anymore. I had placed myself in an environment where I came in contact with thousands of people and innumerable feelings, all at once, EVERY day. I was allowing pain and suffering to strangle me, weaken my heart and make me want my time here on earth to be over and done with.
And the overwhelming feeling I felt (that was actually my own) was loneliness.
I had put up so many walls and tried to construct so many barriers that who I truly am was locked away and very much alone amongst SO MUCH CONNECTION.
It was when I made the choice to regard my sensitivities as a gift that my life dramatically shifted. I began seeking out information about this gift and learning techniques to open up and allow feelings to come to me and, instead of absorbing and taking them on as my own, I learned to allow them to pass through me.
I was no longer a conductor, increasing the pain and suffering.
I became a carrier solution.
I started allowing what others felt to move through me, dissolve, weaken and dissipate.
When I truly harnessed my gift, I found myself becoming the inspiration for others to choose their positive focus and shift their perception.
That’s where I find myself today.

My gift is a superpower.

It allows others to feel heard and accepted and to have ease in what they are dealing with so it seems possible to manage.

It allows healing and each to experience himself or herself as the graceful, powerful and immensely loving and connected human they are.

I designed Project: Love, Me when I saw that my shift in perspective created an opening for me to truly and open heartedly FEEL.
I saw that allowing myself to WANT to be as sensitive as I am gave me the ability to encourage, honor and nurture positive and loving feelings and realities for other.

That realization was when I got my purpose.

I got how important it is for me to love and care for myself and make sure I was skilled in my abilities because I’m here to make a powerful impact in healing the world.

Project: Love, Me is a space for me to share insight and wisdom to support each of you to open your hearts and express how you feel.
It is a space to share what it takes to stand on your own two feet and demand the love and support that is your right as a human.
I say that because my gift has me aware of how necessary that is.
It is our right to be seen.
Deep down we all get that we have that right. What we don’t get it that we do not have to accept anything less. Each of us is no more than a mirror of the next. Whomever you want to see and honor you, wants exactly that in return.
In demanding that for yourself, you give others the opportunity to make those demands for themselves.
It DOES start with you.
Getting clear on what you want and demanding it for yourself and your life has all that isn’t what you want fall away.
When those unwantables fall away, a crater is left to be filled with your desires. You become a dissolver of the negative and a conductor of the positive.

And when you realize that for yourself, you get to pay it forward too.

So, how do you do that?

These 6 guidelines are absolutely everything you need to have that shift.

1. Get that where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be (be grateful for that).
2. Love your body. Shower it with compliments. Learn how strong and sexy it is.
3. Always do what you truly want to do.  The clearest indication you’re doing what you want to do = Life Is Fun. If you’re not having fun, change your atmosphere, your company and your need to please. This is YOUR life.
4. Be open hearted and share EVERYTHING. It connects you to those who get you and has those who don’t get you get out of your way.
5. Take in, absorb, feed off of and invite all that serves and enlivens you.
6. Trust yourself, your heart and your soul. Trust your thoughts, your feelings, your desires and your questions. Trust every last, ever expanding drop of YOU. 

Six behavior changes seems minimal. Believe me, it isn’t. You have to be seriously committed to each of these ideals to breakthrough and remove the obstacles in the way of you realizing your own self worth.

And, there’s no time like the present to get started.

❤️, me

I am Aphrodite

Take on your inspiration.
Yes, take it on.

Live in the space that you ARE what you’re inspired by.
In doing what it takes to honor my inner light and let it shine shine shine to allow for you to honor yours, I made the practice of taking on my inspiration a must. It is absolutely necessary that I am Aphrodite.

I’ve shared here with you what that process looked like while I deconstructed what was in my way.
Remember Kali?

Well, I’m still Kali too.
I’m still destructing anything that isn’t love.
I’m still going into battle to remove everything that doesn’t serve the loving being that I am.

And it’s great.
Dare I say, it’s even become fun…even in the moments when I stop and say, “people might think you’re a little crazy right now”.

Yeah, they might.

Let them
Let them go around saying that and staying in their space where they use “crazy” to describe pessimism, regret, and resentment. They’ll get where they need to to see what’s possible and when they chiles to accept and to forgive.
However that happens for them…not my business.

I’m in the business of love.

So I took on a new goddess of inspiration.

Enter Aphrodite.

Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty, pleasure and procreation.
She is love love love…all the time love. She even loved when Zeus had her marry ugly, disfigured and disempowered Hephaestus.
Zeus was so afraid of her beauty he tried to pair her off with a man who he didn’t see as a threat. He thought, “There is no way she’s going to keep being love and beauty and pleasure and baby making with that guy.”
Boy was he wrong.
Zeus…the king of the gods was AFRAID a of how powerful her love was.
Rightfully so, because love is the most powerful force ever created and Zeus had an agenda. He wanted to be the “it” god. He didn’t want a woman coming in there, taking over.
Zeus saw a threat because he didn’t trust his power and he didn’t love himself.
So, what happened?
Zeus self fulfilled that goddess fearing prophecy.
Hephaestus was so grateful for Aphrodite’s love that he showered her with everything she ever asked for and, he saw that one of those things was sharing her love. He encouraged and supported Aphrodite to spread her love and enjoy many lovers and, make a million love-filled baby gods and goddesses.
And you know what?
Some of those lovers Aphrodite enjoyed were humans and from that, Aphrodite gave the godly power of love to the human race.

Take that Zeus.

And thanks! That’s what you created. Out of godly fear, love was possible in this world.

Way to go Aphrodite.
That’s some real love.
No matter what, Aphrodite is so full of love that she is love. She gives it away and that giving empowers it further. She gives it to others to continue the giving and continue healing all the places we create that love just isn’t present.
She can’t be stopped.
She’s eternal and she created the cycle of love eternal here on earth.

It’s a silly story that this world is missing love. Love is just hiding behind fear.
And that fear is self created simply because some people have NO idea what it’s like to experience full-on, hardcore, love, appreciation, acceptance and forgiveness.

And when they figure out that what they don’t know is the key to everything, well, come on…you know what’s next. They turn the key.

Taking on the inspiration of Aphrodite lets me share here and everywhere what it looks like and feels like to be love.
To accept everything and anything as it is and as it is not.
To create in every scenario.
To let go of how it’s been or how it can’t be.
To love from the place that anything is possible and the partnerships and communities we create in our lives make all of that effortless.

Taking on Aphrodite is like starting a pandemic of love.

Yeah.

That’s pretty awesome.

And Zeus will show up.
He’s not using his love power though so, you’ll notice him less and less.
And then, one day, Zeus will even give in and start loving the hell out of Everything.
It’s that simple.

And while you’re transitioning into being love, keep Kali around. She’ll destroy that stuff that would allow you to see Zeus’ fear as the reason you didn’t.
Those aren’t your fears.
You are fearless.

Because love is fearless and you and I are Aphrodite, goddess of love.

❤️, me

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There ain’t nothing authentic about being nice

Nice.
Three words in response to being nice:

Knock. It. Off.

Nice had a slimy connotation. It goes right along with the experience of being taken advantage of.
When you’re “nice”, you’re allowing for, excusing and, frankly, enabling irresponsibility.

Nice people forgive those who don’t show up.
Something is missing here.
Forgiving is great.
By all means, absolutely, forgive
AND THEN
ask Mr No Show what happened. Let him know how it effects you and everyone else he doesn’t show up for and, from that, what that does or doesn’t do for HIM.

Nice people do everything in their human power to make sure everyone else is taken care of, needs fulfilled, coddled and accepted, no matter what behavior comes about and when they’re really nice, this type of free giving often comes at their own expense.

Nice people don’t think they themselves are important enough and this taking care is what has others like them.

Yes, that’s right. All the nice kitties out there want to be liked. It’s not really who you are. It’s who you think you need to be. Underneath that, you’re resentful.

So, what’s missing for little miss nice…

kindness + ruthless compassion.

Being kind is being supportive, listening, standing for someone to have whatever realization they need to step into the next space in their life.
It has nothing to do with doing it for them.

AND

It definitely has nothing to do with excusing that they aren’t doing what it takes for themselves.

Being kind is telling it like it is, holding another accountable and backing up and getting out of the way so people can hit the wall and have what’s necessary happen that’ll have them get how little their not so great way serves them.

Being kind is creating, creating, creating. It’s NOT listening to sob stories and excuses. It’s being there to have things move in a new direction or asking another to go figure that out while you move in that direction, alone.

It takes A LOT to shift from nice to kind.

Nice people are typically known for their niceness. (This is not a beneficial knowing). Those who take advantage of nice, nice, nice get a bit ruffled when they can’t depend on you to do things for them anymore.

They’ll survive.

And your nice little head will likely feel guilty or bad or all sorts of negative feelings as you embark on the adventure from nice and used up to kind and appreciated.

And the ship to sail from A to B is that ruthless compassion.

You gotta be down and dirty about how much you care.

You gotta let people know that they’ll get its for the best that you aren’t doing it for them.
And being ruthless about it lets you sigh and support and be kind, not just to them, but to yourself.

❤️, me

Your courageous heart

Tough 

              adjective 
                           (of a substance or object) strong enough to withstand adverse conditions or rough
or careless handling.
You’re tough.  He said.
Tougher than nails.
Tougher than dirt.
Tougher than leather.
Tougher than diamonds.
Tougher than the rest.
You withstand.  You fight.  You win
Except when you meet your greatest adversary.
The one thing that provides the most adverse conditions and the roughest, most careless handling. Then you realize you aren’t really all that tough at all.
Because the most adverse, the roughest, the most careless and unhinged hate comes from YOU, from within yourself.
The house you build in your head, the one that gives you the most support to bust through, to be brave, to counter all the “No’s”, all the challenges, all the mishaps turns in on you, shuts you down and tells you you’re only tough because you can’t really handle much of anything.
You find it in you to combat yourself.  Your made up protective and angry self.  That never gets her way and never finds what she needs and can never say what exactly it is that she wants.
Then, you take on courage.
Courage
 noun
  1.     The ability to do something that frightens one.  Strength in the face of pain or grief.
    …or better yet, the ability to face your fears with your whole heart.
    free me
    And your heart is big.  And it picks you up and carries you.  It asks the toughness to take a seat.  You don’t need to fight anymore.
    Your heart asks for support.
    It lets you push on through tears and shallow breathes.
    It lets you find the beauty in not knowing.
    It lets you be free to find the ones who’ll listen and hold you and make you see that there’s everything to be had and nothing lost.
    Your courageous heart let’s you look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love you.
    Even though the tough guy tells you to shut up and fix the mess you are and all the messes you’ve made and called your life.
    Because courage is the thing that brightens up.
    It’s the thing that lets us shine through the darkest desert night.
    It brings light.
    It guides the way.
    It lets us fall and scrape our knees and make terrible dicisions and fall apart.
    Then, it picks us up, dresses our wounds and sends us out to meet a new moment.
    Call on courage.
    Let your heart spread wide across your chest and beat deep into your soul.
    Without that beat we cease to exist.
    With it, we live, thrive and begin again.
    Love, Me

On auditioning

I’m cutting right to the chase today. Project: Love, Me calls for a serious assessment of your inner circle. In being who you are, sharing your truth and growing your confidence, expression and commitment to your amazing self, you gotta get straight about who you have on your team.
When I started deliberate, focused action in creating an abundance of love, prosperity, respect and honor for myself, I hit a hard truth. 99% of the people I had in my innermost circle did not love and accept me fully. They weren’t present to prop me up and have me prosper and they definitely did not honor and respect me.

I know you want to believe everyone is as amazing and full of life as you are. Deep down, underneath, they are. Every last human being IS love and honor and respect and completely free to be for themselves and others.

Reality check: they are that. And, if they aren’t aware or doing anything to clear what’s in the way of that expressing (AKA, doing their own project: love,me), those qualities are very deeply buried and very much NOT expressed.

And, you know what you gotta do?

Cut them out.

Make the request.
Share what you’re up to.
Tell everyone you want in your inner circle that you are creating a life where you are confident and beautiful and shining SO BRIGHTLY.

And then, listen to their response.

Their response is their audition.

audition

Here’s the deal: you are amazing.

You are so committed and dedicated and open hearted and true.
You are a catch.
You are a HUGE catch.
It is a PRIVILEGE for those with whom you walk side by side to be at your side.

Get that.

If anyone responds to you in any way that doesn’t show love and acceptance. If they aren’t present to prop you up and have you prosper and they don’t see the need to honor and respect and cherish you for the priceless human you are (and all humans are), the biggest favor you can do for them is ask them to step out of line, return their number and go back into the sea of people who aren’t cut out for the part.

The ones who give you the love you deserve are the ones who get the part. They succeed in their audition and then, and ONLY then, do you let them into your inner circle.

When I got really clear about this I made a couple of lists.
One is my “homegirls”.
One is my “awesome men”.
And the final is the “Family I MAKE”.

My “Homegirls”

I wrote the names of the women in my life who absolutely accept, love, respect and honor me (and, don’t let me step over this: I absolutely love, respect and honor as well…I think that’s a given, and I get that it might need to be said).

I wrote the names of the men in my life who get how amazing I am (and I, in turn, see that amazing-ness in. Again, needs to be said).

And I set the intention that these lists are going to grow and grow and grow, day in and day out.

Not because I’ll just start accepting the mediocre talent. Because I will demand the standard of awesome in each and every encounter…so as to say, in every audition.

And each and every, myself included, reauditions. We are constantly at work to be present, to love ourselves and, therefrom, love eachother.

We get that love is the work of life.

And we are doing the work.

Which brings me to why I made these lists…to put into existence the third.

This clearing out and letting those who fit the role into my inner circle makes the third list possible.

My “Family I Make”
This is the partner I choose to spend my remaining days with. It’s the one who commits to be my innermost circle and create a family with the same commitment.

That can’t happen without this auditioning process. It can’t happen for me or for you unless you get real with yourself about the company you keep.

So, start auditioning, and fire those in your current cast that just aren’t selling out the show.

It’s your life. Make it about love.

Love, me

On being with yourself

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I used to hate being with myself. I used to fill my time with busy chores, must-dos, and overextended schedules.  I was absolutely addicted to “getting there”.  I’d wake up before dawn, drag myself through work and then exercise until i felt faint.  I’d then rush home to fix something, start in on a new idea on how I could make it better or how I could have more time to be with others or hear about what was going on or just talk to someone.  I fantasized about a life where I could be successful and have everything I wanted.

I didn’t date.

I avoided friends, family and social outings.

I ducked my head down and barreled through.  I got on the train with my headphones playing some sort of inspirational or instructional podcast for success and leadership and, pretty much, being awesome.

In my head it was all to “get there”.  In reality it was all to get as far away as possible from myself.

When I took on Project: Love, Me, I made a list of the things I wanted to be doing and the places I wanted to be.  I decided that this list was not to be in the vein of success.

Instead, it was to be in the vein of feeling at peace, accepted, loved, heard, and enlivened – all the feelings that seemed so fleeting or even nonexistent, at the time.

I sat down to make the list and, for probably the first time in my nervous energy-filled adult life, I had nothing to write.  My mind was blank.

And I realized all this doing had me completely disconnected from myself.

I had no idea what Rachel wanted.

I had every idea what Rachel “should” want based on my guilt and my wanting to escape how embarrassed I was by my failures.  I had every idea what Rachel “could” want if…

If I were rich.
If I were interesting.
If I were inviting and beautiful and savvy and successful.

And then I realized how those “shoulds” and “coulds” sounded to ME.

I was relating to myself as if who I was was the person I’d been, before I’d acknowledged I’d messed up or failed or started feeling guilty.

I was relating to a person I’d put to rest long ago.

That’s when I actually started hearing what all the teaching and training and reading I’d done to find “it” really meant by living in the present.

I started hearing what is was to be with myself now…and now…and now.

Three completely different moments, each allowing for any version of Rachel I wanted to be in each of them…each it’s own existence.

Each of those moments was a fleeting time to choose now.

Each of those moments was an opportunity.

So, I started focusing.

And by focusing I mean, training my attention to be sharp as a laser.

“Checking in” became a major practice.

Sitting on the train, in the middle of a conversation, while reading, while writing, while just sitting and staring.

Am I thinking?  Am I judging?  Am I reacting?  Am I here…now?

And I started connecting the dots.  I started getting why I was so nervous to get ahead.  I started noticing how insecure and unhappy I was being with me.

Who wouldn’t be nervous and insecure about being with a version of myself that dissipated forever ago?

I was avoiding hanging with a ghost.

A woman who got it right all the time.

A woman who was defensive and assertive to protect a broken heart.

A woman who was fighting day in and day out to get away from her day to day.

All I wanted around me was love and peace and creativity and an easy breezy dreamy space of living and breathing and contributing and truly being where I was at any given time.

I felt lonely because who I truly am was locked away, alone.

She was alone because I wouldn’t let her come out and be.

On that thought, I really started making a list.

What does Rachel want?

To be free.
To be openhearted.
To be radically self-expressed.
To be connected.
To be at peace.
To be love.

So, if Rachel is going to be free, openhearted, radically self-expressed, connected, at peace, and pretty much the human incarnation of love…what does she do?

She clears her schedule and then finds things to fill it with that excite her.
She works with clients that inspire her and connect with her and grow their own wings.
She falls in love.
She builds community.
She shows up when she’s requested and supports when it’s wanted.
She dances until her heart is pumping, the tears have fallen and she’s tingling.  She’s filled with light.
She goes to the people who want to feel like she wants to feel.  She lets go of those who want to stay lonely.  She eases her way into being able to say “I don’t feel comfortable and I still want to stay” and, it’s received.
She looks in the mirror and really sees herself.  Long and hard, until all of the “you should”, “you could”, “you would have ifs…” dissipate and it’s just she and herself spending time TOGETHER.

The truth is, we’re never alone.

We are always with our closest company.
We are always with our most understanding, supportive and nurturing companion.

It’s when we choose to neglect ourselves that we feel lonely.

It’s a beautiful practice being alone.

The better you become with you, the better you are with any and everybody else.

While you’re out there doing whatever you end up doing, you can always hold your own hand, soothe your own heart and stir up what ever you and yourself want to create.

And, you get to practice, every moment, every day.

Love, Me