On superpowers

Human beings are interwoven and interconnected at a cellular level. We are bonded in every experience and every moment. That connection is unbreakable and absolute. When things happen to others, they are happening to us. We can’t get away from how intertwined we are.
I’ve always known this and, I’m aware that I have a very special gift. In knowing and accepting that I am each and every other and each and every other is me, I’m hyper present to each person I encounter’s experience of life. From that presence I share all that is felt.

Today, I’m sharing my experience in this world as an highly sensitive empath.

An Empath is another term for clairsentient. An estimated 2-4% of the population is clairsentient and about 15-20% of those 2-4% are categorized a Highly Sensitive Person. Being clairsentient means that you are able to relate to how other people are feeling. Being a highly sensitive empath means you actually, physically and emotionally FEEL how others feel.

It is the human tendency, unless we do the work to shift perspective, to internally resonate at the frequency of our struggles, our hardship, and our pain, regret, disconnect and sadness. We internalize these negative feelings for fear of being rejected, abandoned or misunderstood. We believe that our connection to eachother can be broken and, if we express the negative, we will be alone.

I used to think I had a curse.

I’d find myself avoiding intimacy and putting up a powerful, impenetrable shield between myself and everyone I came in contact with. Not because I didn’t want to be with people, quite the opposite, in fact.

At an intuitive level I understood that it was necessary that I allow the connection I experience.
Without understanding my sensitivities, however, I hid to avoid how powerfully I felt human suffering.
At that time, I believed my experience of the world and people was torture. Everywhere I went, I felt everyone’s suffering. I felt the bruises of a beaten wife. I felt the insecurities of a man who fought off his sensitive nature. I felt the worry of a child working to understand school work and please her parents with good grades. I felt the depression of a person jobless and in deep debt. I felt the agony of a parent who’s child was a addict. I felt the loss of a woman who lost her husband.
And not just one at a time.
I felt all of it together, all day, all of the time.
I was so scared to feel that much suffering that I completely shut down.

It is clear that everything I have done in my life to this point has brought me to the place I am now. I was a professional performer, putting on a show in front of large audiences for years. In every one of those performances, I got the opportunity to give an audience pleasure. In every one of those moments they got to suspend their pain and enjoy themselves.
In every one of those moments, I got a break. I got to take deep breathes, release my shield and experience their happiness.

I chose to move to New York City in the summer of 2006.
I didn’t know it then, but that was when I chose to be who I truly am.
A person as sensitive as I am on mass transit is absolute insanity if this gift isn’t channeled.
Over the course of the next few years I became increasingly depressed. I cried myself to sleep every night. I had several episodes of blackout on the subway and I developed a very severe eating disorder.
I was unable to shield anymore. I had placed myself in an environment where I came in contact with thousands of people and innumerable feelings, all at once, EVERY day. I was allowing pain and suffering to strangle me, weaken my heart and make me want my time here on earth to be over and done with.
And the overwhelming feeling I felt (that was actually my own) was loneliness.
I had put up so many walls and tried to construct so many barriers that who I truly am was locked away and very much alone amongst SO MUCH CONNECTION.
It was when I made the choice to regard my sensitivities as a gift that my life dramatically shifted. I began seeking out information about this gift and learning techniques to open up and allow feelings to come to me and, instead of absorbing and taking them on as my own, I learned to allow them to pass through me.
I was no longer a conductor, increasing the pain and suffering.
I became a carrier solution.
I started allowing what others felt to move through me, dissolve, weaken and dissipate.
When I truly harnessed my gift, I found myself becoming the inspiration for others to choose their positive focus and shift their perception.
That’s where I find myself today.

My gift is a superpower.

It allows others to feel heard and accepted and to have ease in what they are dealing with so it seems possible to manage.

It allows healing and each to experience himself or herself as the graceful, powerful and immensely loving and connected human they are.

I designed Project: Love, Me when I saw that my shift in perspective created an opening for me to truly and open heartedly FEEL.
I saw that allowing myself to WANT to be as sensitive as I am gave me the ability to encourage, honor and nurture positive and loving feelings and realities for other.

That realization was when I got my purpose.

I got how important it is for me to love and care for myself and make sure I was skilled in my abilities because I’m here to make a powerful impact in healing the world.

Project: Love, Me is a space for me to share insight and wisdom to support each of you to open your hearts and express how you feel.
It is a space to share what it takes to stand on your own two feet and demand the love and support that is your right as a human.
I say that because my gift has me aware of how necessary that is.
It is our right to be seen.
Deep down we all get that we have that right. What we don’t get it that we do not have to accept anything less. Each of us is no more than a mirror of the next. Whomever you want to see and honor you, wants exactly that in return.
In demanding that for yourself, you give others the opportunity to make those demands for themselves.
It DOES start with you.
Getting clear on what you want and demanding it for yourself and your life has all that isn’t what you want fall away.
When those unwantables fall away, a crater is left to be filled with your desires. You become a dissolver of the negative and a conductor of the positive.

And when you realize that for yourself, you get to pay it forward too.

So, how do you do that?

These 6 guidelines are absolutely everything you need to have that shift.

1. Get that where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be (be grateful for that).
2. Love your body. Shower it with compliments. Learn how strong and sexy it is.
3. Always do what you truly want to do.  The clearest indication you’re doing what you want to do = Life Is Fun. If you’re not having fun, change your atmosphere, your company and your need to please. This is YOUR life.
4. Be open hearted and share EVERYTHING. It connects you to those who get you and has those who don’t get you get out of your way.
5. Take in, absorb, feed off of and invite all that serves and enlivens you.
6. Trust yourself, your heart and your soul. Trust your thoughts, your feelings, your desires and your questions. Trust every last, ever expanding drop of YOU. 

Six behavior changes seems minimal. Believe me, it isn’t. You have to be seriously committed to each of these ideals to breakthrough and remove the obstacles in the way of you realizing your own self worth.

And, there’s no time like the present to get started.

❤️, me

On being with yourself


I used to hate being with myself. I used to fill my time with busy chores, must-dos, and overextended schedules.  I was absolutely addicted to “getting there”.  I’d wake up before dawn, drag myself through work and then exercise until i felt faint.  I’d then rush home to fix something, start in on a new idea on how I could make it better or how I could have more time to be with others or hear about what was going on or just talk to someone.  I fantasized about a life where I could be successful and have everything I wanted.

I didn’t date.

I avoided friends, family and social outings.

I ducked my head down and barreled through.  I got on the train with my headphones playing some sort of inspirational or instructional podcast for success and leadership and, pretty much, being awesome.

In my head it was all to “get there”.  In reality it was all to get as far away as possible from myself.

When I took on Project: Love, Me, I made a list of the things I wanted to be doing and the places I wanted to be.  I decided that this list was not to be in the vein of success.

Instead, it was to be in the vein of feeling at peace, accepted, loved, heard, and enlivened – all the feelings that seemed so fleeting or even nonexistent, at the time.

I sat down to make the list and, for probably the first time in my nervous energy-filled adult life, I had nothing to write.  My mind was blank.

And I realized all this doing had me completely disconnected from myself.

I had no idea what Rachel wanted.

I had every idea what Rachel “should” want based on my guilt and my wanting to escape how embarrassed I was by my failures.  I had every idea what Rachel “could” want if…

If I were rich.
If I were interesting.
If I were inviting and beautiful and savvy and successful.

And then I realized how those “shoulds” and “coulds” sounded to ME.

I was relating to myself as if who I was was the person I’d been, before I’d acknowledged I’d messed up or failed or started feeling guilty.

I was relating to a person I’d put to rest long ago.

That’s when I actually started hearing what all the teaching and training and reading I’d done to find “it” really meant by living in the present.

I started hearing what is was to be with myself now…and now…and now.

Three completely different moments, each allowing for any version of Rachel I wanted to be in each of them…each it’s own existence.

Each of those moments was a fleeting time to choose now.

Each of those moments was an opportunity.

So, I started focusing.

And by focusing I mean, training my attention to be sharp as a laser.

“Checking in” became a major practice.

Sitting on the train, in the middle of a conversation, while reading, while writing, while just sitting and staring.

Am I thinking?  Am I judging?  Am I reacting?  Am I here…now?

And I started connecting the dots.  I started getting why I was so nervous to get ahead.  I started noticing how insecure and unhappy I was being with me.

Who wouldn’t be nervous and insecure about being with a version of myself that dissipated forever ago?

I was avoiding hanging with a ghost.

A woman who got it right all the time.

A woman who was defensive and assertive to protect a broken heart.

A woman who was fighting day in and day out to get away from her day to day.

All I wanted around me was love and peace and creativity and an easy breezy dreamy space of living and breathing and contributing and truly being where I was at any given time.

I felt lonely because who I truly am was locked away, alone.

She was alone because I wouldn’t let her come out and be.

On that thought, I really started making a list.

What does Rachel want?

To be free.
To be openhearted.
To be radically self-expressed.
To be connected.
To be at peace.
To be love.

So, if Rachel is going to be free, openhearted, radically self-expressed, connected, at peace, and pretty much the human incarnation of love…what does she do?

She clears her schedule and then finds things to fill it with that excite her.
She works with clients that inspire her and connect with her and grow their own wings.
She falls in love.
She builds community.
She shows up when she’s requested and supports when it’s wanted.
She dances until her heart is pumping, the tears have fallen and she’s tingling.  She’s filled with light.
She goes to the people who want to feel like she wants to feel.  She lets go of those who want to stay lonely.  She eases her way into being able to say “I don’t feel comfortable and I still want to stay” and, it’s received.
She looks in the mirror and really sees herself.  Long and hard, until all of the “you should”, “you could”, “you would have ifs…” dissipate and it’s just she and herself spending time TOGETHER.

The truth is, we’re never alone.

We are always with our closest company.
We are always with our most understanding, supportive and nurturing companion.

It’s when we choose to neglect ourselves that we feel lonely.

It’s a beautiful practice being alone.

The better you become with you, the better you are with any and everybody else.

While you’re out there doing whatever you end up doing, you can always hold your own hand, soothe your own heart and stir up what ever you and yourself want to create.

And, you get to practice, every moment, every day.

Love, Me

Pleased vs happy


Pleased…pleasure…is a means to appease. One can be pleased. The other side of that coin is based on some old hurt, something rotting in there. Some way you just aren’t expressed and, really, you’re a little dead. Without going deep to heal that pain, pleasure is completely external. It’s seeking.
It’s numbing and avoiding.
When we heal the wound.
When we feel the way we feel about whatever it is we hold on to deep down inside, we get to see that, that past experience, where something may have made us feel abandoned, rejected, hated, unwanted, unworthy or insufficient…we can get past it.
Back then, whatever it was hurt so bad we really did think we’d die if we felt it.
We really did think we were in danger, a limb might fall off, we might actually be left to fend for ourselves.
That’s a pretty logical fear to a wee one.
Because, then, we had no experience of that kind of suffering.
Because then, we really did need someone to take care of us, teach us, nourish us and assist us in growing.

Now, it’s all you.

And that’s a wonderful thing.

All that hurt…you’re keeping going because that fear inside still seems so HUGE.

BUT…when you really go there, when you really cry those uncried tears, when you really mourn the feeling you had all that time ago…it gets released.

You see it’s not so dangerous. Hell, even if you did lose a limb, you’re pretty darn good at living, you’d figure it out AND with that release having happened, you’d thrive…even in that crazy a case.

When we seek out pleasure without being with the real pain, we mask that pain, we numb out, and we lose touch.
We consistently run from ourselves, the ones in there that are dying to be out here, seeing the world through your wide, beautiful eyes.

Happiness is a state of being that spontaneously occurs when we’ve remembered, felt the hurt, and let go.

It takes something. Really, it does. It’s time to be super brave when you go in there with yourself to get this stuff out.

When you’re ready, stop to think…

Have you ever worked extremely hard to get something, win an award, get acknowledged, or be seen and then, the moment after that recognition, you were out to accomplish the next task?

That’s seeking pleasure.
Pleasure in success…pleasure in winning.
Happiness is acknowledging the little wins, the learning from the bumps in the road and the soothing when things don’t go as planned.

Have you ever spent a little too much time with a partner, blindly ignoring the discomfort and insecurity you feel around them, saying you liked the thrill of the chase, the passion and lust, the hot and cold…and when you get their attention, when you feel like affection and intimacy…you are absolutely swept away?

That’s seeking pleasure.

Pleasure in the ecstasy of getting the hard to get. Pleasure in, for a moment, feeling wanted. Pleasure in being seen and adored, no matter how fleeting, by someone who “never falls”.

Happiness is learning a partner and letting them learn you. Opening up that part of yourself that feels a little broken or dead and having someone love that version of you…and every other one…and not being afraid to get closer.

And when you deal with all those inner hurts that keep you from finding your happiness, pleasure is so much more fun.

It’s of course allowed!

Nobody is keeping you from the fun in winning or achieving or getting a little sassy with your sexy side.

Seriously, nobody minds (and, if they do…that’s them showing you their own inner pain).

It’s just where it comes from that’s so worth the look.
Be pleased as often as you like

But, first, strive to get happy.

Strive to own your heart and let it beat with glee out of your chest…when you’re sweeping the kitchen floor.

Yeah, strive for that kind of happy.

Where absolutely anything can bring you joy.

Strive to let go of the unhappy.
Stay away from putting a bandaid on it and give yourself the warmth of a really deep hug in knowing what you need and who you really are.

Love, Me

To myself (yourself)

she was being true
To myself (yourself), Little fairy,
I’m (you’re) writing you (me), a love letter today. I’m (You’re) writing to you (me) because, I (You) forget to tell you (me) most days that, I’m (You’re) absolutely in love with you (me).
I (You) love that you (I) are (am) small and mighty, a presence that always closes the circle.
You (I) are (am) welcome and loved everywhere you (I) go.
You (I) radiate.
You (I) sing.
You (I) cry tears that show it’s well and good to share and what kind of power there is in being vulnerable.
It doesn’t matter if that’s not what everyone can do.  You (I) can and you (I) do.
You (I) breathe.
You (I) move gently.
You (I) float into a smile.
You (I) let your (my) heart be open and you (I) heal yourself (myself).
You (I) listen for the music and when you (I) get far away, you (I) listen harder to find your (my) way back.
You (I) sit where you (I) are (am) as best you (I) can and go to walk if you (I) need to…alone.
You (I) ask for help when you (I) need it. You (I) are (am) generous with your (my) giving and receiving. Sometimes you (I) can ask anyone and sometimes you (I) choose a specific helper to call on.
They always come.
You (I) know who people are.
You (I) never have to apologize, and you (I) do to be sure that I (you) am (are) calm, at ease, safe and sound.
I’m (you’re) not the nicest to you (me) a lot of the time.  It makes sense, you’re (I’m) not going anywhere. You (I) will always patiently get through with me (you).  I (you) still shouldn’t treat you (me) like that.
I (You) never have to worry you’ll (I’ll) leave.
We will always be together.
You (I) will never be alone.
I (you) will protect you (me) and always let you (me) be you (me). I (you) promise to honor and respect whomever that is and whatever she needs.
Goodnight my beautiful fairy.
Love, me (you)
 heart cascade

Hope is a four letter word

I hope to…
I hope so.
I…in some future moment/version of myself beg the universe to do me a solid and make that thing that I deep down inside don’t really think is possible happen.

That’s hope.

It’s looking forward.
It’s having an expectation and wanting it fulfilled by someone or something out there in the fantasy land you’ve created as the life you want, instead of this one, right here, right now…the one you’ve got.

We hope to discharge pain.
We hope to allow for the things we don’t want to happen.
We hope to allow ourselves to be without what we believe, whether we acknowledge it or not, we aren’t good enough to have.
We hope that someday, one day we will be lucky enough to receive.

Hope is a four letter word.

I’m going to illustrate why I’m adding hope to the profane…because that shit will fuck up your life.

Hoping has nothing to do with what is.
It has everything to do with what isn’t, what’s lacking, what’s missing.
Hope is the perfect little cover up for that dirty little masochist inside of you to have you say and think things that others will see as brave, driven, committed, voracious, valiant…
Maybe you’ve even convinced yourself you possess these qualities. I mean, my little do-gooder, cross carrying, life battle fighting self sure believed that about me.

That is, until I busted her for it.

I busted her for hoping real quick when I figured it out.
Because when I stopped to look at what I was hoping for I was about to get evicted from my apartment, I was smoking half a pack a day and was ten pounds underweight.

I was hoping my business would take off.
I was hoping any unreturned calls would be answered.
I was hoping my boyfriend would stop abusing alcohol.
I was hoping I could run from everything that was crushing my heart and come out unscathed, no one noticing.
I was hoping that the life I was living would just magically become the life I wanted.

So I gave that shit up.

I got a job waiting tables while I continued to build my business. I got out of that relationship and started going to Al-ANON meetings. I stopped reaching out to the people who had shown they weren’t equipped or interested on being there for me. I stopped mistreating myself in all the ways I asked the people who hire me to stop.

I started this process of going DEEP into my heart to heal the things that had me forcing my failure and punishing myself in the first place.

And I realized what was missing when I quit hoping for the future and let myself be with today…


Yup, faith.

You gotta be faithful.


Nope, I don’t mean Sunday mass, sun salutations, synagogue or Intentions Into the universe (not knocking these additions, by all means, whatever works for you).

What I mean is sitting down with yourself and thinking hard and then writing what you want as a declaration of what is absolutely NO DOUBT IN YOUR MIND going to happen.
No kidding.
It’s going to happen.

How? I have No idea.

When? Don’t know that either.

And…I’m not going to waste these moments, right here, right now.
I am not going to waste the opportunity to acknowledge what BELIEVABLY awesome, tangible greatness I have right here in my space, in front of my, inside of me and all around me.
I am not going to plan the next month’s success without honoring and being grateful for who I am right the fuck NOW.

Write it down and put it away.

Stop thinking about it.
Stop doing anything with it.
And…do you.

Since I took action on being happy and acknowledged and grateful and awesome NOW, a bunch of clients rolled in. I got a office I really like with a little garden outside the window. I started writing and filling my non working hours with things I wanted to be doing. I started playing and exploring and growing again.
I gave up that I needed to do a certain job.
I gave up that I needed to settle or continue going back to people who just couldn’t see me or hear me or, for whatever the reason, weren’t in to me.
I started getting interested in myself.
I found people who are interested in me too.
This writing project came out of faith.
Faith that I am healthy and whole and enough to have everything I want, fill myself up and THEN give.
Faith that this way of being works.

Get this:
Faith flings you out there to where you want to be.
There’s no questioning or fearing or sticking around where you aren’t just plain living magnificence.
And you can’t deny faith.
It’s just what you believe.
ANYTHING, absolutely anything that says no to that belief simply, has to go. There’s no effort.
It just doesn’t fit.
There is no room for it or anything or any person that contributes to it.

You need that room to believe.

So fuck hope.
Fuck feeling sorry for where you are or letting it happen.

this is your life.
Believe in who you are.

Love, Me

On doing what it takes

I’ve fallen into a trap many times.
This trap I speak of is one that only a recovering perfectionist like myself could fall into.

Current State of affairs: There are oodles of perfectionists out there, many of which who won’t admit it, many of which who are afraid to let it go and many of which who, definitely, are not recovering.
There’s actually, somewhere in each and every one of us, some version of a perfectionist. The level you act on it lines right up with the level at which you choose to love yourself.

Promise <—- you have my word that’s what’s so.

I start this entry with that statement so we can all agree to honor ourselves and listen from healing.

we’ve acknowledged you, ms or mr perfectionist, you don’t have to get all loud and override the other side of him or her that’s reading…we see you, OK?

We begin…

real not perfect

Most often “doing what it takes” coincides with some empowerment for success or some commercial for Gatorade or Under Armor —- Super coaching for WINNING!!!!!
That IS doing what it takes.
It is.
It’s meant to inspire you, encourage you, and make you feel supported to go out there and get what you want.

You don’t hear it as encouragement.

Granted, there are many people who need a push and coaching and to be “herded” (which usually occurs like what herding a bunch of cats would look like), to actually show up and do what they say they are going to do.
Those people need that “do what it takes” inspiration.

This is not about that.

This is about “doing what it takes” to heal, honor, respect and love yourself.

Here’s the deal.

Woody Allen got quoted once. He said “80% of success is showing up”.

He’s probably right, or close, I’d beg to guess it’s closer to 95%.

This is what you don’t get:
The reason why it’s 80-95?
Because about 99% of people don’t show up.
Seriously, they just don’t.

It’s not a “bad” thing.
It’s not a judgment.
It’s just the way it is.

I’m into begging to guess today. So, here’s my second guess – if you are really reading this post with your fullest attention, you’re part of the 1% who does.

You show up.
You do your due diligence.
You put your best foot forward.
You get it done.

And when you don’t, you are the sorriest, most apologetic, self-deprecating person, in that moment, on this earth.

FYI: people know you show up. They can’t deny it. They aren’t giving up on you. They aren’t leaving. They aren’t even disappointed (well, unless they’re pretending to be intimidated by you and looking for something to bring you down to the level they think they are on).
All that giving up, leaving, and being disappointed that you think of others, that’s YOU giving up, abandoning and disappointing yourself.

This is where you join the
“no show”-ers.

You don’t show up for yourself.

Knock it off.

You’re amazing.
Really, you are.

Get that.

I’m not typing it again.

You’re going to do every last thing you say you’ll do.

How about adding loving yourself, in every moment, to that list?

If you’re late, honor yourself by looking to see where you’re overextending yourself or getting stuck losing time practicing negative self talk.

If you forget, soothe yourself and set yourself up with a reminder so you get to remember next time and show up as yourself, not this angsty aggressive forceful thing you become behind closed doors…when you’re talking to yourself.

If you don’t “get it right”, acknowledge what you’ve learned. Imagine yourself before you started, look where you are now, give yourself a hug and…start again.

Do what it takes to love you.
Go against that loud ass voice that tells you more More MORE.
Stop and see.

ADMIRE who you are.

You don’t need to push harder.
You don’t need to reprimand yourself.
You don’t need to rub your nose in every last “failure”.

Whatever you do is more than enough.
You don’t HAVE to do a thing
everyone is elated, excited and grateful when you show up.


My final beg to guess for today:
You, yourself will be the most elated, excited and grateful when you show up for yourself.

So do what it takes.

Love, Me

Boundaries are a girl’s best friend

There’s a way to bleed your heart out that sounds pretty saintly.
You’re open and receptive and ready to comfort and support.
You’re there through thick and thin, come Hell or High Water.
You are a rock, an anchor a hold steady that any and everyone can go to to find solace, to feel good about himself, to gain insight and confidence for herself…
Of course. Of course.

Now stop.

Have you ever been playing this version of you and it seemed to backfire?
Do you have any stories about how you gave and gave and then you were left betrayed and alone?

Do you say “no”?

Because if you answered yes, yes and no/maybe sometimes, we need to talk about boundaries.

You’re heart experiences that bleed out when you give to people who aren’t there for you or, better yet, don’t even want what you’re offering.

It’s common and completely human to want to give. It’s unhealthy when you do so to be loved or liked or to fix something.

Public Service Announcement:

There is nothing you need to do to have love – no changing, no improving, hell, not even falling. It’s absolutely right there in front of you and in you and all around you when you’re checking in and choosing to love yourself.

All the time.

I promise.

When this is your practice you becomes so hyper-awake to what isn’t love that you start sending it away like Good Witch Glenda banished that Wicked Witch of the West.

No, you don’t get magical powers.

You get boundaries.


And you use them.

People don’t mean to take.
They don’t mean to overextend their welcome.
They don’t mean to clear out the cupboards.

But they will if you let them.

Think about it.

We all seek support and love from the outside at times.
We all desire that connection and assistance.
If someone offers me 100% of their listening and full-proof planning, I’d take it too.

I have in fact.
And I didn’t realize I was until I was past what I later saw I had needed to deal with MYSELF.

Because that’s the reality of support and assistance. You can only be there to prop others up and be by their side. In the end, it’s always only to soothe their experience of letting go.
You’re no savior.
You’re no fixer.
You’re no healer.
The work of healing, figuring it out or finding ease and contentment…that’s each’s own to get to in each’s own time.

Does that mean not to be there for people?
Absolutely not.

When someone ASKS you to, being there is exactly what they want. It’s your job to hear if they’re asking so as to get the push to move forward or so as to live in a cycle of complaint.
You’re only there to give them a nudge forward.

Complaint preservation?
No way.

Put that boundary UP.

(In the most supportive of ways…clearly. Simply stating that you want to see someone grow and move forward and it’s clear you’re not the assistance they need as things aren’t changing…now, that’s love, for them AND for you).

And, frankly, there’s this too…

If you’re one of those who thinks you’re here to help, whether asked or not. If you’re one of those who knows what people need and see their “problems” so clearly laid out and you are simply the ONE to fix it…

Give the people in your life boundaries to put up AGAINST you.

This is coming from a recovered fixer and from a place of ruthless compassion…

Nobody needs to be (or wants to be) fixed.

It does not matter if it “seems” like someone might “need” you. What matters is if THEY believe that you are the assistance they WANT for the things in their life that THEY actually WANT to change.
Being a superhero fixer occurs as patronizing and diminishing and breeds disconnection. It’s actually considered enabling.

Ain’t nobody learning if you’re doing it for them.

So stop.

You do you, that’s all you need to think about.

Sometimes walking away is the best love and support you can show another.

Just let it be and go dig deeper about what you’re trying to heal about yourself.

Love, Me

On clearing

Kali is my favorite goddess.
Yes, I have a favorite goddess.
Yes, she’s a Hindu goddess.
No, I’m not Hindu.
No it’s not disrespectful or sacrilegious that I wear her on a pendant around my neck.

She’s the goddess of destruction.
No, that’s not morbid.

I just acknowledged several judgments I might have had in past versions of Rachel or you might have in the current version of yourself that you’re playing on TV today.
I acknowledged them so I can ask this…

Are you willing to let go of what you think is right or wrong about picking and choosing what inspires or guides you in your life?

Are you willing to let go of the finite dogmas you may or may not have about how things are supposed to go, how you’re supposed to feel or what it is that you’re supposed to be when you grow up?

Are you willing to read this from an open and receptive space?

If not, come back to this another day.

If yes, great!

It’s time to get clear.

So this is Kali:


Look at her!

Weilding a sword, human heads hanging from her waist, a freshly beheaded dripping in one of her 8 arms (which she clearly needs to be this bas ass and diabolical). There’s fire in another hand, blood, snakes, skulls…a war in the background and this regal glowing light of a crown upon her head as she, in her blue-toned greatness DESTROYS some stuff.

She’s beautiful.

Stop it…You’re misunderstanding.

She’s beautiful because she’s the voice of reason. She’s a comic relief for all the crazy stories and evidence we put in front of ourselves that keep us from being content, fulfilled and happy, from being at ease and kind to ourselves, from going for it…the things that keep us from CREATING.

It is comic how much we all hold on to the stuff that hurts.
It is comic how we breeze over the accomplishments we have and the milestones we hit just so we can drive home that we aren’t there yet, that someone is angry with us, that we did that one thing that one time that we need to punish and neglect ourselves for for the rest of our lives.


It’s not a big Kali symbol, but it’s one that resonates in me as my own little version of Kali.

Because you have to burn that shit down.

If there is something you are unhappy with. If there is someone who never listens to you, hurts you, can’t see eye to eye with you or brings you down in any way. If you have tried and tried and just can’t ever seem to get it right…

Stop it.
Light it on fire.
Destroy it.
Let it go.

It’s holding you back.
It’s breaking your heart.
It’s ruining your life.

No I don’t mean the victimized story you have about yourself that’s ruining your life.

I mean that YOU are ruining your life!
You’re holding on to that little (or big, if you need the drama) story so that you have reason why you can’t, you shouldn’t, or you won’t.

Can’t, Shouldn’t and Won’t are not in the dictionary you use when you’re loving yourself.

They are not supporting that little warrior inside of you who is out to make it happen, is free to be whomever he or she wants and is willing to want to go for it and LIVE LIFE DEEPLY.

I took Kali on as my homegirl when I started into a nasty story I had about men.

I had a story that, no matter how hard I tried, no matter what energy I put out into the world, no matter what it was that I wanted, I had some black smudge on my forehead, some karmic punishment or some unfinished business to resolve for another that had the worst of the worst constantly coming into my space, my bed and my heart.
And it was dramatic.
And it was dangerous.
And it was not pretty.
Not pretty at all.
For about 15 years.

When I finally said “enough” about that story, I saw what was behind it.

Behind that was a story that men needed saving and I was supposed to do it because I was so great and loving and pure (despite all of the trials and tribulations I’d faced).
I was an angel sent here to show men what they were capable of and how bright and beautiful and amazing they truly are, no matter what was showing up in front of me.
I had to be that, or I wouldn’t be being true to myself.

Yeah, um, that is a recipe for a whole lot of pain, abuse, neglect and suffering.

And I had to get that I was doing all of it to myself.

So I took on Kali.

I started killing off old relationships that I hadn’t honored myself in. I did this by lighting black candles, meditating to release these people from the anger and resentment I was holding for them, calling exes up and telling them all about how I’d overcome the version of me I was before and how great I am now.

And then I got that I was pissed.
And that I was doing all of this song and dance because I wouldn’t accept that that old version of me is not the version of me that’s sitting here, typing away right now.

I had to get that each and every one of those scenarios was a moment to moment opportunity for me to say, “Thank you past experience. I’m good to go right now, you don’t need to stick around”.

And Kali brought me through.

I imagined myself wielding a sword and slashing through all the ‘not good enough’, ‘not interesting enough’, ‘not beautiful enough’, and ‘not nice enough’ to get to ME telling MYSELF “I’M NOT WORTH IT.”

I imagined myself burning all the “love” letters and journals and apologies I’d WRITTEN and get real that I’d done it to manipulate and try to win back the favor of people I should have never made it past eye contact with.

I had to get straight with myself that the men I’d chosen to do my little self-hate dance with were the men that hit on anything with a vagina. They were the men that could smell insecure and sad and “needing to be rescued” and flew after it like vultures on a carcass.

And there really isn’t anything wrong with those dudes. They aren’t evil, incarnate. They aren’t sadists. They aren’t even dangerous.
They were the men out there that just weren’t available.
And they were playing along in the game I’d asked them to play.
They showed up for rehearsal in the act of my life where I requested characters like that to give Academy Award winning performance to match mine.

I made the bed. I slept in it…with one too many tall, dark and handsome men that, now, when I think about it, I didn’t even like, let alone love.

And the most important sword to swing and the goriest head to chop off was that one inside me that said I deserved it.

It was just something I wouldn’t let go of.
I was not willing to clear the forest, burn down the house, conquer the country that was my lack of self worth.

Project: Love, Me brought me to Kali.
I needed to play Hindu and recruit her for assistance when I did.
And she’s still around my neck, just in case I feel like going willy nilly and jumping back into that familiar nightmare once again.

Because we do.
We would rather live in our misery than find our joy.
It’s terrible…and it’s true.
We’d rather be with the devil we know, than kill him off and replace him with an angel we just never thought could possibly take his place.

And it’s so inauthentic.
We are a collection of love-filled, love-emitting, love-driven beings running around a planet that we, collectively made. We built a playground sandbox to build and create in and we’d rather go sit in the kitty litter and play with the cat poop.

No we wouldn’t.

We’re just scared.

It’s fear that has us holding on, hoarding, and stacking up evidence.
It’s fear that keeps the movie on play-rewind-replay-rewind-replay.
It’s fear that robs us of what might very well be waiting right there, right outside the door. It may have been there your whole life. It just can’t get in because we have so much clutter that we can’t even wedge the door open to peak out and see.

Stop that.

Call in Kali.

Start getting destructive.
Make a clearing and

start. again.

Love, Me

I fell in love today

love is real
I fell in to love today.
I hadn’t realized that I didn’t know what it really was to fall in to love until that moment.
The moment I looked in the mirror and said I’m afraid.
I’m afraid to fail.
I’m afraid to commit myself.
I’m afraid to let go of controlling how it all will go.
I’m afraid to ask of someone else to let me see myself in him.
And I let myself be afraid.
And I saw what it looks like to be alone.
And what I had done thus far to make sure that the me I truly am was kept alone.
To be safe.
And it was dark.
And it was frightening.
And there was no one.
But me.
And I was beautiful.
I was untouched and unscathed and as calm and peaceful and free as a fairy.
And then I invited myself to come out in to the world.
And breathe in the life around me.
And to stop hiding in that dark, frightening, alone place.
And I took my hand and guided myself into the light. Into the warm, open and energetic place.
And a flood of hope and peace and care surrounded me and embraced me.
And I looked at myself.
She smiled and said ‘I love you’.
Then she melted into me and I no longer saw where who I am ended and all of this fear and aloneness began. And then I noticed that I wasn’t afraid and I wasn’t alone.
I’d accepted love as company.
And she and I, now one, opened our eyes and saw that everything around us and every one was love. Like a mirror, reflecting an untouched, unscathed, peaceful, calm and free being.
Because love doesn’t get harmed.
It is always at peace.
It is always calm.
It is always free.
And it is always there waiting patiently to be unlocked from the dark, frightening place we keep it hidden.
Fearing we might lose the one thing we can never lose.
Because we are love.
And love is free.
Free is love.
We can give it and give it and we never lose.
Because It’s all there is.
It is the source of everything.
It is the place where we begin, where we grow and we thrive and when we are gone we let it go to be in the world where we found it when we arrived.
Love is a gift we never lose.  We are free to be and use that gift whenever we choose.
It never fades.
It never dies.
So I fell into love today, right into it. In the most remarkable of places. Right there inside me and everywhere…
Wanting, asking, needing to be loved.
The most beautiful thing that we are entitled to as human beings.
No need to fear.
Just open your eyes.
Love, Me

On being ashamed

Somebody taught you that, you know?
We don’t come out into the world knowing how to feel that, how to be that.
We have to learn to be ashamed.

We show up with a clean slate, a blank canvas to paint the beautiful, the fantastical, the ugly and the grotesque.
Reason what you will, it’s not because you were or weren’t any sort of thing. It’s not because you did or didn’t do what was expected.
It’s not because you deserved to have it be that way.
It’s because it happened.
And it did happen.

Someone…or some-many decided your right and wrong, your good and bad, your acceptable and unacceptable.
It’s not anyone’s fault.
It just came at a vulnerable time.
It came when you depended on people to be there for you.
It came at a time in your wee little life where you really did need someone in order to survive the day.
Somebody had to care for you while you learned.
Somebody had to be your role model. Somebody had to give you the blueprint for how it was going to go out there…how you’d fare on your own.
And all too often, that somebody or some-many were frightened.
They were frightened because of what it was like for them
because they just never tried and much was unknown…and unknown was dangerous.

You weren’t frightened.
You were ready and excited and curious and open to learning EVERYTHING.
It was when part of that EVERYTHING became something that somebody or some-many didn’t know.

They said,
That’s wrong…
That’s bad…
that’s not acceptable”.

and you heard,
You’re wrong…
You’re bad…
You’re not acceptable”.

It’s easy to say, “don’t listen” now, but, then, you needed them. You felt you needed to listen.

Your readiness, your excitement, your curiosity, your openness…all those raw parts of who you were trying on as you for the day were not acceptable.

And then you believed,
“Who I am is not acceptable…
I am ashamed”.

Shame is beyond feeling.
It’s beyond doubting yourself.
It’s beyond getting embarrassed.
It’s beyond feeling guilty.
It’s a darkness, a wretched space where who you want to be, what you want to do and what you want to learn aren’t allowed.

You must change.
You must become.
You must let that part of what you want for YOUR own life shrivel and die to fit what’s asked or expected.

Shame shuts down a part of your heart.
It locks the door and throws away the key to a space in your being that had no chance to become.

Shame distances you.
It breaks a part of you off to float in the background, in the shadows, where you can’t even see.

Shame could ruin you.

It could.

Until you see it hasn’t.

Until you see it wasn’t even your feeling, your thought, your rule or your opinion that had shame plant, root and grow.
It wasn’t yours to begin with.

So why not send it back?

Or drop it in the nearest dumpster…maybe wait around to watch it get picked up and crushed and taken away to those places where things go that no one wants or has time for or, most often never needed to begin with.
Wave goodbye as you skip away.

You didn’t need your shame.
The you who was ready, excited, curious and open was pure and free and unadulteratedly magnificent.
The you, then, was…
The you, then IS…
right behind that waste of shame you’re holding on to.

Toss it.
Don’t litter.
Make sure to dispose properly of your waste.
We don’t want anybody else getting your sticky shame stuck to their tennis shoes.

Tell someone or some-many all about how little you found a need for it.
Thank them for caring, but you’ve got this now.
There’s no shame in being you.

It’s a shame to be frightened.
It’s a shame to be lost and worried and to teach someone your ways because you just don’t know any better.
It’s a shame to limit yourself with reasons that becoming who you are is not what this world needs.

Becoming who you are is exactly what this world needs – each and every person being uniquely herself and exploring every facet of who that possibly might be, at any given moment, any given day.

without the embarrassment.
without the guilt.
and especially,
without the shame.

You are beautiful.
Each and every thought, idea, desire, hope and dream you have is yours to have.
They are yours to learn about.
They are yours to share without a second wasted on worry.

Whatever way you want to dispose of the spaces you’re ashamed, make THAT your NEXT adventure.

Whoever you want that to be.

Love, Me